What I Told the Graduates

And What I Told The Crowd When Opening for David Sedaris

One year ago (before the beginning of the End Times and before the end of the Beginning Times) I was asked by my high school alma mater, Winston Churchill High School, in Potomac, Maryland, to give the year-end graduation speech to the class of 2024.

My first thought was: You couldn’t find a local TV news anchor or lobbyist for the soda industry to do th…